![]() ![]() No true friend would do this to another.īut a note of warning: minding your own business should not mean ignoring a serious problem. It can lead to marital dissatisfaction at a material level and may create problems between a couple. Some people may take this information and use it to compare, and if their spouse or they make more money, they will brag and humiliate the friend and their spouse. One detail which you, as a friend, should avoid asking is how much money a spouse makes, for instance. Minding your own business means not asking details that are too personal about a married couple or about your friend's relationship with their spouse. The added bonus of this arrangement is that when children of the couples meet, they will have company with other Muslim kids, who have the same or similar background of values. This forms a kind of social, informal "support group" so that when marital disputes do come up, there is an existing network available that can help or at least be an attentive ear. While a husband will have his own friends and a wife her own, it's important for married couples to meet (within Islamic guidelines) as well. Simply state the fact, so they can at least see the positive over the negative they are emphasizing at the moment. If the dispute is not very serious, and is simply a list of minor complaints (i.e, she forgot to pay X bill, he forgot to take out the garbage), then listen, but remind your friend of their spouse's positive points. there is domestic violence-for this see tips at encourage your friend to seek help with a trustworthy family member, Imam and women's shelter. If the dispute is of a serious nature(i.e. If there is a problem, consider referring the problem If you are a friend, listen, but remember that you are only getting one side of the story, so listen impartially. What is friend who doesn't have an attentive ear? Many of us tend to share our marital problems with friends. Be fair of your treatment of your children-in-law.Stay out of your adult children's disputes if they have nothing to do with you.If you are financially dependent on your kids, work out a budget and keep the lines of communication clear.If your child or child-in-law ignore your counsel on personal matters, do not take it personally or sulk.Ask them to make dua for marriage and its success.Do not interfere with your child's relationship with his or her in-laws.Acquire interests of your own so you don't rely on your kids completely for social and emotional fulfillment.If you have serious concern, approach them tenderly without being critical. Pay compliments and be kind and gentle in your counsel.Do not rearrange furniture in the kitchen or elsewhere when visiting married children.Make suggestions, but let them choose name for babies.Invite them to family gatherings but don't make an issue if they are previously engaged.Do not discuss your children's marriage with friends and relatives.Decline invitations to join family vacations unless it's a family reunion.Encourage the young couple to socialize independently of your circle of friends.Telling tales is unIslamic and to your kids about their spouses' detriment.Do not compare your daughter-in-law and son-in-law to your friends' children-in-law.Do not be expect to be invited to every party your children plan.Keep this in mind when dealing with children and children-in-law. Remember that respect is earned not demanded.Give them time to develop a mutual understanding and respect.Keep a cordial and polite relationship with your children and children-in-law.Encourage them to work it out among themselves. Do not try to mould them according to your vision. Chidren-in-law have their own personality and philosophy of life.Never issue an ultimatum of "us or them".Allow your child and their spouse time and space to develop a strong, loving marriage.Remember no one (spouse, for instance) can take your place in your children's life.The steps below are ways to avoid 95 percent (approximately) of the problems between you and your married children or children-in-law. They can also take certain preventative measures that can greatly reduce marital conflict (which can arise over minor issues as well) and maintain a healthy husband wife relationship.īelow are some tips of what you can do to help. Parents, parents-in-laws and friends all can help a couple work through their disagreements and differences. Family and friends can play an important but hidden role in helping married couples maintain a strong relationship.
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